Such a Sad Day

Today in Newton, Connecticut there was a mass shooting. Atleast 27 dead, mostly children. The thought alone almost brings me to tears and I can't even imagine the emotions of the parents and siblings of the children who were killed.
It reminds me of the day after the Virginia Tech shooting when all the schools in Rapid City, SD were locked down because there was a call saying someone saw a gunman at one of the Highschools. We were lucky enough to have it be a made up story, but I remember the fear I felt. I called my dad on a class mates cell phone to let him know I was okay, but also just to hear his voice. My dad has always been my rock and the sound of his voice is what was comforting to me.
Pray for the families of these children. Keep them in your thoughts. With Christmas coming up it makes it even worse.
Also, be in prayer for the families of the kids in China. There was a stabbing there this morning also. Such a sad day.

Letting Go

Over the past six months I have spent alot of time being angry. Angry at the people who hurt me. Angry at the people who made my life more difficult than it should have been. Angry that the people around me had the ability to take a joy from my life that never should have left.
Today I had a conversation with a friend about a disagreement we had several months ago. I was finally able to ask her the questions I had wanted to ask for so long and realize there were several reasons we had the disagreement we did.
After receiving the answers I waited FOREVER to hear I am left feeling a little empty. I no longer have anything to search for or be angry about. I have nothing to wonder about late at night. It all makes sense in my head now and all I want to do is let it go and move on.
It's a little strange not having any reason to be mad anymore. I also feel a peace, though. I feel like it's all behind us and I couldn't be happier.

Being Satisfied in God

It's very rare when I have an "It all makes sense what God is doing in my life right now" moment. When I do have them, though, I am most often filled with joy and gratitude to have a God that loves me so much and has a plan for my life.
There are so many times I feel like I have to go without compared to my friends. I think the hardest thing right now is seeing those my age happy in relationships and wondering why I wasn't happy in mine, and why I am not in one right now.
A couple weeks ago my sister in law, April, sent me a text message after I posted a status about being single. It is a quote from the book, "The Resolution for Women."

The rarity and uniqueness of a woman who has chosen to be satisfied with what she has, with who she is, and with where she lives is as uncommon and worth celebrating as a Texas snow fall at Christmas.

I can't describe to you the comfort I feel by reading this one sentence. I realize that maybe the reason I am single and have never been happy in previous relationships is because God wants me to be satisfied in my relationship with Him. Not only that, but satisfied with where he has me in my life.
Then I think about how blessed I really am and how unique my life is compared to all my friends and siblings who are already married. I had a great opportunity to go to college and focus only on that. Both my sisters married at young age and have told me it's hard going to college after marriage. I also have been able to rent my own apartment and learn so much about myself. And the best thing is my puppy Charlie. I love the joy he puts in my life.

In the long run, I don't think I will be angry that I have been waiting so long to find the right guy for my life. I think I will be happy that I didn't settle for the least and waited for God's best.

Bittersweet

After a month and a half of working with Jake to become a better apartment dog I decided it would be best to find him a different home. It wasn't fair to the neighbors to have to listen to him bark for hours and hours when I was gone and wasn't fair to Jake that I had to use a bark collar on him every time I left to stop him from annoying the neighbors. It was a very hard decision, but I feel like I made the best choice for both of us. I no longer feel the stress of constantly wondering if he is behaving or not.
Because I don't like living alone I bought a new puppy that will be better for living at an apartment. He is a 1/2 Maltese 1/2 Cavelier King Charles Spanial. His name is Charlie like the character off Lost. So far he is doing really well. He cries a little bit, but it doesn't last long and is not loud at all. He picked up on pottying on the puppy pad really well also. Everyone says my apartment feels so much calmer now and I am really enjoying the lack of intensity Jake brought to the apartment.